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Waiting for the World

by Jude Hayden

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1.
Careful Now 02:32
is it my mind that betrays me or you? is there anything left here to do? when I can’t sleep or shut my mind down or stop these thoughts swirling ‘round careful now I’m afraid we’ll take it too far you've got me wishing on a dead star 'cos I’ve nothing else to show you except the heart that I wear on my sleeve things that I never want to believe still come crashing around like a storm always wearing your form careful now let’s step back from this precipice stop kicking stones into the abyss please don’t say that I don’t know you although your face will not betray you’re thinking it, you’re thinking it the things that you will never say but want so much to happen I’m filling up a chest of hope and sinking it, I’m sinking it it only takes a little rope and you can watch me hang is it my mind that betrays me or you?
2.
red becomes you like a wound, like a gash that's sewn up in a flash it becomes you like the wolves at the door are still howling for more they become you in the dead of the night while my guts twist up tight I become you and my thoughts on a whim focus only on him he becomes you like the dress that you wore crumpled there on the floor I watch as it becomes you everything becomes you red becomes you when I stare at the words and they seem more absurd they become you it's a soiree of sin on the head of a pin which becomes you in the small and dark hours drying up like the flowers I become you until brittle and frail until faded and pale he becomes you like no one ever does like nothing ever was I watch as it becomes you everything becomes you before you I only dreamt in black and white now you’re the incessant shade that haunts my night ever drowning slowly in your shifting tide cover me if you can from every side whatever it is I think I see it always somehow becomes you to me you're nothing that I want but everything I need what's left to talk about there's nothing to believe
3.
Charlemagne 03:39
charlemagne, clearly something’s changed I’m afraid of what you will not say ‘cos if you don’t belong with me there must be something really wrong with me so tell me please I find myself on shifting sand with nowhere safe for me to stand I find myself adrift at sea and you refuse to rescue me charlemagne, you say you’re going away I’m afraid to try to make you stay I never should have let this start you’ll only double cross my heart I’ll cry and hope to die I find myself alone at last with phantoms of a love that’s passed I find myself adrift in space just left to moon over your face I used to think you were the girl of my dreams now get out of them don’t leave me here alone with all of my thoughts ‘cos I’m scared of them am I doomed to repeat myself? I am doomed to repeat myself again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again I find myself adrift at sea and you refuse to rescue me charlemagne, clearly something’s changed I’m afraid of what you will not say and there’s a part of me that knows that this is how it has to go but still I’m feeling ill I think I always will but do I love you still? no
4.
you shut your mouth when you’re talking to me I’m saying this conversationally but I’m not fucking around you close your eyes when you’re looking at me there’s nothing here that I want you to see so step back and stare at the ground I hope it’s plain now that I mean business you better pray you can get a witness when every interaction is just a big distraction you’re telling me? I can’t fake tolerance when all these sycophants just keep selling me you plug your ears when you’re listening to me I’m muttering barely audibly so don’t act like you heard a sound I’m reduced down to nervous twitches a lot of scratch but that’s not what itches for all the conversation there’s little innovation you got nothin’ on me despite outward appearance you’re static interference stop beaming at me you shut your mouth when you’re talking to me I’m not fucking around I hope it’s plain now that I mean business pray you can get a witness when every interaction is just a big distraction you’re telling me? I can’t fake tolerance when all these sycophants keep selling me and every conversation is just an aggravation just leave me be no chance for integration of all this information you keep selling me there’s too much information it’s just an aggravation just want to shut it out just shut your fucking mouth
5.
Old Overcoat 02:46
old overcoat hanging on the chair the one my granddad used to wear now the threads are bare and there’s a tear upon the shoulder old overcoat given once to me by grandmother in secrecy hung below my knees but it looked good when I got older oh, the brightest colors always fade and no one cares about the plans that we made so long ago old photographs in the picture frame and no one can recall their names the styles have changed but there’s a look that seems familiar oh, the brightest colors always fade and no one cares about the plans that we made so long ago…
6.
put on all your epaulets and scribble down some epithets the laundry list of lost regrets and trivial fact findings just think of all the money spent the seasons of your discontent arrived and never really went perennial bad tidings so now you’re only waiting for the world to catch up to you and celebrate their find ‘til you’re free and you’re paid to do whatever comes to mind or get left behind with education incomplete and no one falling at your feet no victories just bittersweet and hope is just a hurdle an opportunity awaits somewhere within the book of fates to take your place among the greats in pantheons eternal but now you’re only waiting for the world to catch up to you and celebrate their find ‘til you’re free and you’re paid to do whatever comes to mind or get left behind it seems so clear but you can’t see you say “the problem can’t be me ‘cos i know for sure that everyone else is wrong” and now you’re only waiting for the world to catch up to you and celebrate their find ‘til you’re free and you’re paid to do whatever comes to mind or get left behind
7.
a moment’s hesitation it’s such a simple thing it tells me all that I need to know it tells me everything in the time that it takes for the words that form in your mind to make their way to your mouth that’s when you’re breaking my heart so tell me the truth we keep connecting in spite of all our faults lies and crying three-fourths of the time that doesn’t make it a waltz in the time that it takes for the hand that slaps my face to pull me in for a kiss that’s when you’re breaking my heart so tell me the truth that’s all I’m waiting for some sign of proof tell me the truth you know the closer I get the more it seems you’re just like a stranger we fall in bed together but then we fall apart and by the time the credits roll we’re just alone in the dark in the time that it takes for me to realize that you’re the one that I want I’ve gone and broken your heart so tell me the truth that’s what I’m waiting for the final proof tell me the truth you know the closer I get the more it seems you’re just like a stranger
8.
Celestial 03:15
she puts the stars behind a veil so in comparison they pale feels like the sky is falling down every time she comes around and she feels so celestial it’s unreal, it’s unbelievable it’s all I can do to keep up with you she means more than the world to me (etoile du berger, toute pres) I look around she’s all I see (jour et nuit, elle brille) now I’m convinced it’s all for her forgot just how the bad days were and she feels so celestial it’s unreal, it’s unbelievable it’s all I can do to keep up with you and when the veil comes falling down she wears her starry brightness gown she’s tracing lines up in the sky I’m blinking dust out of my eye and she feels so celestial it’s unreal, it’s unbelievable it’s all I can do to keep up with you
9.
Sleep 01:39
sleep here beside me so that I might sweetly dream I’m told the outside world is cold the best things are the ones you hold stay just for always now we’re finally in phase I’m done with toiling in the sun I know I’m not the only one sleep here beside me so that we might sweetly dream and both rest tonight in peace
10.
I’d barely known you for the longest time and it wouldn’t be honest to say you never crossed my mind but lately now it seems I’m inclined to tell everyone I finally find in you the perfect kind and right there all the time and now it’s suddenly clear that we find ourselves here I’d been racing through so many years I love the way that you drive so can we go for a ride? now it finally begins got you under my skin I’m glad it’s not too late yeah this was worth the wait I’ve been trying hard to give the impression of someone who never suffers depression like I’m alright but now I’m gonna make a confession the other troubles I had aren’t worth a mention they’re not worth the time you put them out my mind but it doesn’t feel strange now that everything’s changed how easily we’re rearranged so can I see you tonight? would that be alright? now I can’t help but smile you’re eclectic and wild I know this is the best my lovely lioness is there a place that we can go to be together that you’ve never been? I feel like I’ve been nowhere ever any time is when I want the chance to hold you so pull me in close there’s nothing more I’d ever need and now it’s suddenly clear that we find ourselves here I’d been wasting through so many years so glad we got this chance so can I have this dance? there’s so much to convey though I can’t find a way to say what’s on my mind but you’re the perfect kind

about

"Wonderful!" - some woman who claims to have birthed me

"Catchy... and edgy!" - my co-worker's 13 year-old daughter and her friend

credits

released March 12, 2019

all songs by Jude Hayden with:
additional music and arrangements (3,4,10) - Mark Brasington, Jeff Nagel, and Sean Rhiney
additional arrangements (8) – Michael Christian-Budd, David Criddle, Mark Griffin
additional lyrics (4), French lyrics (8) - Mike Kooris

all sounds by Jude Hayden except:
lead guitar/solos (4,5,6,10), keyboards (4,10), vibraslap (4) – Mark Brasington
bass (8) – Dave Criddle
strobe guitar, stacked synths (8) – Mark Griffin
voix (8) – Mike Kooris
drums (4,10) – Jeff Nagel
bass (4,10) – Sean Rhiney

basic backing tracks recording (4, 10) – Jeff Monroe at Group Effort Sound Studios
mastering – Bill Gwynne
painting – unknown artist

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about

Jude Hayden Cincinnati, Ohio

Father of two, collector of physical media, decent acquaintance

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